I haven’t been as faithful to my writing recently as wedding planning has taken center stage in my life. We had a meeting with the wedding planner yesterday and when it was over it occurred to me that these are the last days I will know my child as a single woman. What an odd feeling. Soon her focus will be on her husband and her home, as it should be. Hopefully, with time she will add children to that list of priorities. What a blessing to be young and to have your whole life ahead of you! I am not too old to remember the exuberance I felt as I anticipated my wedding day and my life with a new husband. I can still recall this time of year 29 years ago like it was yesterday.
Overall, I am not very good with change, but I am better than I used to be. Life has a way of teaching us to accept our journey. Anyway, as I wrote, I took the day off yesterday to attend to wedding details with my girl and as we went through the various tasks we had outlined for the day, we laughed a few times about different things in her childhood. The day was light and fun.
Later when I was reflecting on the day and the changes that are unfolding for her, I thought about each stage of her development and what that has been like for me from my vantage point as a mother. When she went to kindergarten, I couldn’t help but mourn the end of caring for preschool children. I loved having my babies under foot. I was not one of those mommies who had other things to do besides be with her kiddos. I wasn’t into tennis or tea parties or anything like that. I didn’t long for weekend getaways unless I could have the girls with me although their Dad insisted that we take a few over the years. I LOVED being with my girls every second of the day. So, when it ended it was sad.
I went through the same sense of mourning when she left elementary school, junior high and high school. The worst for me was when she went away to college. While I was saddened when the first went away, because she was the first and I loved her so, I was sad that the youngest left, because she was the final and I loved her too. While I held my emotions in tact leaving the first at the dorm, I cried all day when I left the baby. It was absolutely impossible to keep the tears at bay. How strange it felt to be happy for her and at the same time to be sad for me. But, that is the way it was. My vision for my life was at the end of a chapter.
In wedding planning, (okay I am a slow learner) I realized that as each stage has ended an exciting chapter was beginning. For example, when both girls were in school, I returned to the work force. I entered a job I loved and they were learning wonderful things in an excellent school. It was a good time for our family.
June 20, I will probably shed a few tears. I will give myself permission to mourn the official end of childhood with this wedding, but I am equally anxious to enjoy the addition of another son to our family and all of the new dimmension that is bringing. I believe they both love each with their whole hearts. (That will come in handy in the early years. :->) I think I will enjoy watching my baby girl step into the role that we have tried to prepare her for since the day she was born.
As a little girl when asked what she wanted to do when she grew up, she always responded with “I want to be a wife and mommy.” That isn’t always the answer for little girls in this day and time, but it is her answer still. She will be a good one. She is ready. She is committed. And, I believe he is too.
Yes, tears will be there that day, but this time most will be happy tears. Happy that she has found the one we prayed for her whole life. Happy that he is from the same town and wants a Christian home! Happy that I will be able to watch their love continue to grow as I grow old. Happy that her Dad and I will again be sharing an empty house that is filled with precious memories of our lives as parents. Happy that in this day and time we made it intact. Happy that we can begin to build our own new chapter.
