It was a hot August in 1993. Most of them are if you live in the southern USA. He was 7 months old with nappy hair and skin the color of dark chestnut, beautiful, perfect and soft. He came with a story, a story that had a difficult beginning. It is a story that belongs to him. His story touched me then and it still does now.
I can shut my eyes and still see him as I laid him on a blanket spread open, clean and welcoming on the living room floor. The plan had been to deliver one child and remove another to go back to a birth family. Plans can go awry at the last minute. This one was no exception. Instead of removing one, I needed to leave both, which presented a new dilemma. This family graciously agreed to accept both until another home could be found. It was only a day and I received a call where the foster mom said, “We have decided that we will keep both.”
Fourteen years have come and gone. 14 years, 4 months and 1 day to be exact. Today, this almost 15 year old teenager gave his life to Christ. I was there to see, hear and hug when he was “born” into the foster family, which became the adoptive family and now has been born into an eternal one. What a blessing! A difference made for eternity.
I have often prayed for this young man as I have watched him grow. My prayer has been not only that his life would be changed for the better, but that he would change the lives of others for the better. That he would know God and then that he would lead others to him. That he would live with God as his focus and that he would lead others to have a God centered view. The first part of that prayer has been fulfilled in the best possible way. Today, he took one more step in a journey that God has planned for him. He is taking steps to find his purpose and to live in that purpose.
When “my” children are adopted, I purposefully step back into the shadows and commit them to God. There are some children I may never hear from again; some I may never know about beyond that point. As it should be, they grow up in a family chosen for them. Interruptions from someone who knew and walked the first part of the journey can be an intrusion. It is best to take a respective back seat. Sometimes there are exceptions. I get Christmas cards with pictures, letters, updates. I read them over and over. They warm my heart.
There is the occasional exception. Occasionally, a family is near enough to keep a window open so that I get to peer inside and watch the years go by. Today, was one of those days where an uncertain first day in foster care culminated in another first day. The difference is that the next first was into the family of God.
I can take very little credit for the outcome of a placement. When they don’t go so well, I do beat myself up a bit though. I ask what I could have done differently. Is there something that can be done now to promote healing? Days like today melt those dark thoughts away. I feel so grateful to play a small role in such a huge outcome.
I’ve seen days like this a few times before and each time the experience is brand new for me. Joyful. Reassuring. Complete. Days like today I am just glad that I get to do what I do, because
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I get that ring side seat watching God do what HE does.
Christmas is passed. The presents are distributed and the wrapping paper thrown in the trash. The decorations aren’t put away, but that will come too and soon 2007 will be a part of the history books. Reflecting on this past year, I realize what a huge year it was. I have had several adventures that I hope to remember in full detail even in eternity! The “things” I am most grateful for though are the people who played such a vital part in the journey. I would love to mention every single one here, but for concern about the dangerous opportunities broadcasting on the internet creates…well, I can’t do it. I do want to mention what some of you did because I know some read this blog. I want you to know what a precious gift you are to me.
One precious friend covered much of our plane fare in April so that James and I could go on a much needed couple vacation, something we haven’t done in many years. The timing of the trip and the opportunities it presented for some much needed time alone were such a blessing. The past 8 or 10 years have been challenging to our marriage. This season of our lives together has created some heartache that for now are beyond my ability to explain. I am grateful for a friend who was kind enough to offer buddy passes on Delta. Thank you my sweet friend.
This year presented opportunities for us to grow our family relationships. As our youngest daughter plans her upcoming wedding, we have had a few opportunities to get to know her fiance on a deeper level. He is a good fit for her as a husband. It is a precious thing to see someone love your child the way he loves mine. You can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice and watch it in the way that he treats her. I pray every day that they will grow together spiritually and become totally committed to their faith and to each other. Son in law to be…I love you very much.
I am thankful every day for my friend who made my mission trip to Russia happen. (I would make a list of about 20 people who made this trip a blessing, so I hope that you know that I know this would have been totally different without all of YOU! The whole experience, the opportunities, the travel, the people, the mission and now the memories are too special to put adequately into words.) The one I want to mention now is a friend who is a friend always, a faithful friend. We can be who we are together even when we both feel totally dysfunctional. There is no pretense, no reason to work to fill silent moments, no reason to hold back in saying whatever is on our mind…only honesty, acceptance, patience, support, encouragement even when it doesn’t come out in a nice neat package. She reminds me just how good God is, how he gives us people in our lives that we don’t even know we need until we are blessed with their friendship. This friend helps to keep me focused on our mission, our purpose, our possibilities and our hope. Thank you for the way that you have helped me take the broken pieces of life and turn them into something beautiful. Thank you for the times you let me give back in the small ways that I can. You KNOW I love you!
This year has also been wonderful because of my “family friend.” If I got to choose a sister, then she would be my choice. We have fun together every time we meet. We can be serious and there have been some times for that, but we can also be ridiculous. Those times are the best of all. I have needed laughter the past few years more than at any other time in my life. She gives me that and it reminds me that I can act like a 6 year old and still be loved and accepted. What would I do without you? I love our friendship. Our Mothers knew a good thing when they became friends. We do too. 
Then, there is my friend diagnosed with breast cancer this year. I am sorry she has cancer, but the blessing for me has been the reminder of just how important she is and has been to my life. She has been with me through auto injuries, elderly caregiving, marriage crises, children frustrations, foster care experiences, milestones like birthdays and the deaths of both of my parents. I have been with her through quite a few events of her own and she reminds me that friendships that are long and enduring in many ways define who we are. I love you girlfriend!
One other gift this year has been my “coffee friend.” I always feel safe with you. Nothing we say to each other ever leaves Starbucks! We can confess our sins, celebrate our achievements, request prayer over our heart’s concerns, fine tune our parenting, talk about the latest movie or whatever we want or need. We have played a unique role in each other’s lives. Each time we get together we pick up where we left off like a golden thread through time. Not once have you ever judged me. Not once have you ever failed to pray when I needed it. I never have to ask. Our hearts are joined in an empathetic bond where we don’t even have to speak our emotions. We can just know in each other’s eyes. You are the truest of friends. The level of spiritual maturity that you have grown into is something that inspires me to keep reaching heavenward.
I am also extremely grateful for those in my family who weren’t able to be here for Christmas this year. This year you reminded me of a couple of things: #1 Life continues to change and those changes are necessary to move forward with the plans God has for marriage, family and community. #2 It reminds me that even in your absence you are present. Memories of the years we have been together and our relationships that have been well developed, bring you home in my heart. You make me thankful for blogs, pictures, updates and more.
I can go on and on about this year, but I have to mention just one more. This is more of a reflection on a group as a whole. My family. Not just my immediate family, but my brothers and their children and grandchildren. If all of these others I have mentioned are the threads of my life, then you are the tapestry. Each one of you is woven into my history and who I am today. Some of you are kind of ugly threads, but I wouldn’t take a thing for you! LOL. Truthfully, you are my past, my present and my future. You are who I am and empower me to be who I want to represent and walk with. I have been so blessed this year by our times together. We continue to build on a heritage and legacy that is impacting people all over the world from the US to Mexico to Russia and beyond. We have something many families across the world lack. How blessed we are!
2007. The year of change, opportunity, service and hope.
May God protect you and may he make your life as great in 2008 as you made mine in 2007.
I have been enjoying the past week preparing for Christmas. The decorations are up. We have been invited to a couple of parties. We are having a dinner party or two ourselves. The preparation is more fun to me than the actual event, because I enjoy the anticipation of it all. Present events are intermingled with warm memories of Christmas past and future dreams. It is the one time of the year when past, present and future seem to coexist. I love this time of year.
The cares of the world continue in spite of our mood and our focus on the birth of Jesus. I find it ironic that Don Imus has been hired by a different network/station right now. I don’t think most approved of what he did to the Rutger’s women. There is some minor debate going on about whether he has been penalized enough. Regardless of your opinion on the matter, our naming of the people around us can build up or tear down. There isn’t much in between. True story. I was working with a birth mother who was planning to place her child for adoption in 1997 or so. She named her newborn Nosmo King in an elevator. She later decided to keep him so the name stuck. I have often wondered what ridicule he goes through. For the visually impaired together that reads, “No Smoking.”
I can still recall the impact of the high school teacher who said, “You are a gifted speaker,” following a campaign speech before the student body on behalf of a Presidential candidate. I had never been told I was “gifted” in anything before. I couldn’t think the rest of the day. I just kept hearing “You are gifted” over and over in my head. I felt instantly loved and admired, because he had seen something inside me and named it. I had been noticed and validated by someone I deeply respected. It changed my life.
In that one comment, he gave me more than a name. He gave me a way to give back. I learned the importance of naming and have tried to give that back to the people I care about. When my children were growing up and still today, I try to remember to say, “You are good at that.” “You are gifted in….” “You are compassionate.” “You are kind.” Bill Burton taught me to be an encourager that day.
I am reminded at this time of year that God created naming. In the beginning he named the heavenly lights sun, moon and stars. He formed clay and called it, “my image.” The first command he ever gave to man was to name the creatures around us. In that first command he began to teach humanity about the importance of relationship. He wanted us to acknowledge and affirm identity and worth. So it is when we misname as in the case of Imus, we are revealing that sometimes we forget that we are our brother’s keeper. We build walls between us and other clay pots God also named “my image.”
If we are given the wrong name sometimes it still sticks. It can be crippling throughout our lives. In 7th grade, a boy in my class was given the name Stinky due to one event that should have been overlooked. The name stuck. His grades and self esteem plummeted. Suffering, injustice, abuse of power are all inflicted on people in such a way that can ruin lives.
Our calling is to grow into our real names and pass on to others the same gift. This is the true gift of Christmas to be called: Loved. Chosen. Pure. Forgiven. Saved. Given to us by the one we call Jesus.
I have been working on Christmas around my house. It isn’t the same as it used to be when we had little children. I miss having little feet in the house and anticipating the excitement and surprise of the children’s faces on Christmas morning. Still, I am looking forward to this new chapter unfolding where I have adult children who love our traditions and still want to be home to share them together. That is even better for me.
There are usually some plays around Christmas. I love going to those. I enjoy thinking about the birth of Christ and how that one single event impacted the whole world. I love the music, the celebration, the color and the smells of Christmas. I enjoy the memories of Christmases now gone forever, those of my mom cooking her Peanut Butter Fudge Cake, her Coconut Pound Cake and her cookies. I love hearing about the rituals and traditions of other families too.
I’ve noticed something else now that my children are grown. I have more time to think about people around me and what this season will be like for them. In my own defense, I have always had this awareness, but my life is calmer now and I guess I am being more proactive.
This year I am trying to focus on a couple of categories of people who may have a tougher time this year:
One category is the single mother. It is up to her to provide, prepare and present the holiday to her children as best as she can. I know one single mom who has 2 children who have been sick quite a bit last year and this year. There have been some hospitalizations. Finances are really tight. Christmas is more of a burden than a celebration for her these days.
Another category is the one where a family has lost a family member this year. War, death by natural causes, abandonment, estrangement, poor life choices; all have taken some family members away from home or out of this life altogether. I work with foster children who won’t be with their moms and dads on Christmas morning. After all these years, I still cannot imagine what it is like to miss having Christmas morning with your parents when you are so little. No amount of gifting takes away that kind of loss.
This season also gives me a chance to exercise more fiscal discipline than I have in some years. I admit that I have had a bad habit of buying one for me as I buy one for someone else in years gone by. I’ve been changing though and have found that this too is giving me more time to enjoy the season.
Finally, I have noticed something else. People dread certain parties. Around here, people were relieved that there is no office party this year. Work parties are kind of awkward. Spouses don’t know your coworkers and being superficial is hard on some. People quite often go out of obligation. These obligatory engagements during this time of year crunch our schedules.
This year, I am going to invite 2 or 3 families over one at a time. These are people who are special to my family and who we love being with. Our coming together won’t be out of obligation. It will be out of celebration and love. I won’t try to invite e v e r y family that I feel this way about. I’ll just choose 2 or 3. Maybe I’ll put names in a hat and draw them out. That would be fun. Next year, I might choose another 2 or 3 or none at all. It just won’t be out of obligation.
Empty nest Christmas. I think I am liking this new one.
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I have been thinking about the new year coming at the end of this month. Yeah, Christmas has to happen first and I am all up for that, but there are overshadowing considerations for me each year. I start thinking about the year we are about to leave behind long before Christmas each year and I start wanting to give it a label. Do you do that?
I don’t know why I do it, but I find myself categorizing and compartmentalizing my life as I go along. Maybe I have some form of an autistic disorder that causes me to do this!!! I do have a knack for phone numbers. Please don’t make me phone you. I will never never never forget your phone number once I have punched it in. I would rather have other things stored in my memory bank. It is nothing personal. It is just this “gift” I have. If I live to be old, then I may not remember your name, but I will remember your phone number. Such useless information after a while.
I digress from the subject of recording a year with an event. Here are a few labels to show you what I mean. In 1984, I had my first daughter. When I hear 1984, that is always my first thought. 1986, we started a business. 2 businesses. 3, no it was 4. Yeah, that year was something else. I don’t even want to talk about that year. Aren’t you glad? By 1989, we sold 3 of them and said grace over the fourth and moved to Alabama. So 1989 was known for that move. 2000 was the Y2K year. 2001, the year of 9/11. (Sometimes the label isn’t just about MY life you see.)
2007.
What label should this one get? Where am I going to hang this one? I don’t know yet. But, I am thinking about it. This has been a year of a lot of good things, a few bad things, more that fit in between those extremes. Will this be “the year we were saturated with Presidential debates?” Will it be the year Georgia ran out of water? Tell me for what you will remember this year?
