Little Thad is 3 years old. His mother is homeless and his father left the family months ago. Mom has been looking for a job, but she never finished high school and at 20 years of age, she makes only minimum wage. When Thad is sick, she can’t go to work. The day care won’t let him come for fear the other children might become ill and she doesn’t have anyone who can help. All of her friends are struggling just like she is. After losing her job, Mom has lost her apartment. She and Thad have been living in the car, but now the bank is repossessing it too. DFCS has had to step in to take custody of Thad.
It is likely that Thad and his mom will be reunited. With some job skills training, counseling and assistance with housing, this mother can make it as a parent. The problem is those things take time and money. Most vocational training programs take at least one year to complete. Housing assistance and day care assistance are commodities that are sometimes difficult to find for these kinds of situations. The money the government budgets to help always runs out early in the fiscal year for these things. People just don’t plan their financial downfall in the timely manner that budgets require.
Often families step forward to help, but only if there is a possibility that they can adopt a child like Thad. While this is wonderful and those kinds of families are needed, so are families who have no plans to adopt. In the early stages of a foster care placement, it is rarely known what the outcome will be. I find it hard to accept that we are turning children away just because they may never be adoptable. But, we are. Who are we trying to help? The child or the family who wants to have their own needs met? Hmm. Adoption is a good thing and those kinds of families are needed. Don’t get me wrong, but where have the altruistic people gone? Are we all in this for personal reward?
There seems to be an ongoing problem with finding families who want to serve as a bridge to help children through difficult times and then reunite them with their biological family. Why is this?
Families who help children simply because they are responding to a child’s need don’t touch just one or two lives. They make a difference with many children over time. I suppose it is a lot like being a bridge builder. You are making a way for people to get over a large chasm that would be difficult to make if at all without it.
There are times that good hearted, well meaning people decide to help and then in the end they get hurt. But, if we didn’t have people willing to get hurt, then who is going to build the bridge?
Years ago I helped a child and his sister who had been abandoned by their prostitute mother. They were so little, dirty and frightened. The boy took care of the sister in whatever way he needed to for survival. Years later, he forgot the good the good that was done for him. He took for granted the gifts that he had been given not just by me but by many people. He hurled accusations that the job wasn’t done well enough. In short, he was and is ungrateful.
Should we stop helping kids just like him because he didn’t understand or appreciate his deliverance? Should we assume all are like this boy? He was home schooled, fed, clothed, loved, given every opportunity, but he is squandering it today. I don’t know if he will squander it tomorrow. I don’t know if this is the way it will always be for him.
What I do know is that some kids do make it. Some families make a positive impact and the ones they help are eternally grateful and make the most of the opportunity they have been given. I may never understand why some can accept the gift and others spit upon it.
In the meantime, even if our efforts aren’t always good enough, at least we are trying, right? We aren’t making excuses about why we won’t help and we aren’t looking the other way like we don’t notice. We are indeed trying. I suppose that is all we can do, try until we get it right and remember that sometimes, occasionally, here and there, we do get it right.
My heart just isn’t in my profession at the moment. This has been a very discouraging week for me. I am living a nightmare that everyone in my profession dreads. At least that is how I feel about it. I wish I could go into detail here, but for reasons of confidentiality I cannot. I’ve been trying to gain some perspective during the latter days of the week. It is times like this that my footing seems off. There is a part of me that just wants to chuck it all and move on to a new place, another part of me that won’t let it go, that must stand and fight. That is what it will come down to. Taking a stand, confronting, speaking the truth and stepping through the chaos to find a place of peace. It seems that in order to resolve conflict, one has to walk through it. It cannot be ignored or it grows and “festers” until it becomes overwhelming. So be it. But, I am tired already.
At times like this it is important to think about who I am and to be that person in the face of controversy. I am a Christian, a representative of Christ above all else. A weary representation at the moment, but representative anyway. It is that very fact that will carry me through this time of trial. I must constantly remind myself of what being a Christian means and that should put the events to come into manageable pieces.
What have I learned about being a Christian in times of adversity? Today’s post will be focused on that question. As the days roll on our past intersects our future. It is important to know the basic principles on which I have forged my life to best navigate the waters where I have currently have set my boat, right?
These are not in any specific order. They are quite random, but all are important to me. So, here goes.
What I have learned:
1. Practice listening. Never assume you know all of the details of a situation.
2. Look for silver linings. Where there is a downside, then there is always an upside. Focus on the upside.
3. Treasure people and relationships that encourage. Make a list of them and remember to thank God for them daily.
4. Sin hurts whether it is mine or someone else’s, but it also gives opportunities for learning. Look for the lesson and use it.
5. Memories are short. Don’t major in minor embarrassments or mistakes.
6. The best thing I can do for someone else is to feed my spiritual life like it is my 2nd job.
7. The best thing I can do for me is serve someone else.
8. Disagreement can be healthy. Iron sharpens iron.
9. Laughter builds relationships, soothes hurts and puts things into perspective. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
10. We are all on a journey. Some are closer to getting it right than are others, so stay open enough to step onto a new path if it is leading you on a better course.
11. God is in the valleys too.
12. Sometimes it is important to just keep breathing.
13. God Himself does not propose to judge a man till he is dead. So why should we?
14. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
15. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Just remember God does not blink.
16. Always choose life.
17. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it is still a gift.
18. Every day is a special occasion. Treat it that way.
19. Just because we don’t understand “why God would let something happen” doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a perfect reason.
20. Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
21. Be kinder than necessary. You may never know the storm someone is experiencing.
That is enough for now. I could make it much longer, but would like for you to do that part. I hope that the list encourages you and gives you reason to reflect on what you have learned along the way. Add to it if you will.
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My daughter has a very cute little dog named Romeo. He really is her dog, but he has become my grand-dog. He and I walk 2 or 3 miles several nights a week. It is a treat to him and a motivator to me. He walks in the door every night and his whole hind end is wagging. He is so happy to see anybody, but I do my best to take it personally. It is so nice to have “someone” that is just so elated to be in my presence. I always told my children that I am the Queen, I am she who must be obeyed. They didn’t react the same way that Romeo does. I wonder why. His only complaint is on the nights when I can’t walk with him. He pouts. He literally lays his head on his paws and lifts only his sad eyes my direction. If I protest too much, he has learned to go to the bathroom and secure a roll of toilet tissue for his enjoyment. I went to the grocery store a while back and didn’t put the tissue away in due time. He decided to teach me a lesson. He tore into the bag and had a big ole time shredding all but 2 of a 12 roll package. I was ready to shred him too, but I had been out of the room while his tissue party has been raging, so seeing me enter started up that back end swinging to and fro and well, he’s just doing what dogs do, right? I told him how cute he is and cleaned up the paper. I think I learned a lesson.
My mom never allowed dogs in the house. In fact, she didn’t even allow them near the house too often. If she was outside and our family pet came within a foot of her she started yelling and holding her hands up near her face. I am not sure what she thought that holding her hands up to her face was going to accomplish, but we always thought it was funny. I recall bringing the dog to her occasionally and asking her if she wanted to pet him. She never did. She didn’t seem to like animals. But, when the dog died she cried all day long just like the rest of us. He ate the “scraps” from the dinner table mixed in with the “pot liquor.” I noticed that she cooked less for a while, so there would be no scraps. If you remember what pot liquor is you are showing your age.
I guess it is kind of like the little foster boy we had who came in the house with a snake. As he said, “Mom, look what we got” and I turned to see, he dropped the creature and it slithered out of sight. I announced that I would be in the yard until the snake was captured and returned to it’s natural habitat. My hands were near my face and I think my skin had rolled into a ball behind my ears. Must be something to it.
Romeo is the first dog we have had in the house full time. We had another dog who lived outside during the day and in at night, so I guess we have endeared ourselves to animals in stages. The cats came first. I am not a cat person. My mom had me totally convinced that cats were nothing more than disease bags and to touch one was paramount to certain death. My youngest wanted a kitten when she was about 12. We decided to give it a try for 30 days, because she had been deathly afraid of the family dog. It (cat) wasn’t going to stay in the house, but we weren’t quite sure how to make it live outside while preventing it from running away. So, she stayed inside. The rest is history. She scratched me the 1st day and I didn’t die. Now she sleeps with me. My daughter still says I stole her cat. The cat just knew that I am the Queen. I am she who must be obeyed. That was 10 years ago and she still honors me. She follows me from room to room. We talk and have a pretty good relationship. Okay, I talk, but she purs or gives me whisker kisses, so she communicates in her own way. I have been assured by my family that she will never die. I just couldn’t handle it, so am relieved that she will live forever. But, I am still not a cat person.
Animals can become family. Romeo is going to be at my daughter’s wedding. He already has his tux. I am not sure how that is all going to work out, but hey, it’s not my wedding! But, I’ll tell you one thing. If he jumps up on a buffet table my hands will fly to my face and I will be yelling….
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Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace day by day
To the last syllable of recorded time
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools,
The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle
Life’s but a walking candle, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.
Shakespeare/Macbeth
This idiot full of sound and fury signifies a kind of nothing known as sleeplessness.
Ah, reading Shakespeare when I can’t sleep…3 nights in a row…I used to read Leviticus to kids at night when they wouldn’t GO TO SLEEP at camp. It worked pretty well. There were always a few who fought the dream world. This has come to be a regular thing for me the past few months. I rehash the day. My mind floats on the ups and downs of it. I analyze, agonize, philosophical–ize. Yes, Create new words sometimes! Plan, think, endlessly thinking and sorting. I have solved all of the problems in the world at night. Why not ask me a question at 2AM so you get a response from the “idiot full of sound and fury” by the time light breaks! I plan weddings at night these days. That is one task that I can’t do as well by day. By day, I carry out the plan. By night, I devise it based on the dreams I learn from the bride by day.
Some of history’s most important things occur during the night. Jesus prayed all night the eve before he was betrayed. King David cut the hem of Saul’s coat at night to let him know he had been there. Wars are begun during the nighttime hours. Babies cuddle with their mamas at night.
I suppose I am making some history of my own these days. Pontificating as I am tonight on nothingness.
Any ideas on falling sleep? I have tried: Warm bath, warm milk, warm bed, cool bed, lavendar scents, soft music, no music, medication, counting sheep, prayer. Why don’t you call me and read Shakespeare or Leviticus? In the meantime, I am going back to bed again…but, I might be back!!! Shhhhhh
This has been an interesting week so I thought I would give an a hodge podge of things this time.
Last night I went to a large venue downtown and heard Ravi Zacharias speak about the topic “Is America Christian?” I love hearing Dr. Ravi and have several CDs in which he takes a global view of Christianity. In one tape that I have, he describes his discussions with Muslims about Islam and the Quran and how that belief system does not stand the test against Christ. His messages are very detailed, informative, educational, and passionate. He travels all over the world encouraging believers to spread the message of Christ in love. He has spoken to political leaders of countries and religious leaders in places like madrassas in the middle east. He details some of those encounters, the dangerous position he knew that he was in and the turmoil surrounding the situations. There was a Q&A period following his message. Some very interesting questions were posed from college students who are finding that on college campuses Christianity is becoming more and more unacceptable. While Muslims studies are allowed at some universities, many won’t allow even 3 people to meet for prayer. I’ll bet you didn’t know that. If you ever get an opportunity to hear him, do it. It is well worth the time (and cost if there is one.) If you want to hear one of the CDs, I will share mine.
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I am moving along in preparation for the trip to Russia. It is very difficult to know what to prepare, because I do not know the people, nor do I know where they are on their journey. I do not want to go into the situation with such arrogance as to believe that I have much to offer. In fact, I am not sure I have anything at all to offer. That being said, I am convinced that if anything good comes out of this it will be because God did it through me. There is a prayer request in that for you. Like Moses must have felt when God told him to go before Pharaoh, I think I need an Aaron to do the talking. Pray that he gives me the words needed to accomplish the job of “Go, teach…” On a lighter note, but still very serious, pray that I can find an affordable coat and boots!!! This climate I live in doesn’t get below freezing too much. Siberia in November? Well, let’s just say I need to dress accordingly and the prices I am seeing are up there. Be aware, there will be posts ad nauseaum about this adventure!
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I read the book by Dr. Don Colbert entitled, “Seven Pillars of Health” and have been attempting to adapt to those 7 Pillars he discusses. I am not totally there yet, but I am doing a much better job of meal planning, drinking water at the right times, getting rest and things like that. I went to a routine doctor appointment this morning and have officially hit the 20# weight loss from my all time high of…..LOL, you thought I was gonna tell ya! Anyway, made me feel good.
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One final thing. Thank you notes. They are becoming a lost art. I get thank you notes for all kinds of things over the course of a year and quite often I am embarrassed for the sender. I suppose I should just be glad that the gift was acknowledged at all. After all, some gifts are given and nothing is heard again from the recipient. I would think it might be my choice of gift, but I hear others who also wonder if a gift was received especially when it has been mailed. Quite often, the response if there is one is a pitiful inscription that goes something like, “Thank you for the gift.” Period. The end. Okay, there may be a name at the bottom. This one line fails to mention what the gift was and there is no elaboration of their opinion of it. Maybe I am being spared the pain of knowing what they really thought! However, if it was selected from a gift registry, well…what then? In between the lines I read “My mom is making me acknowledge this gift.” I am reminded of this, because I received one this week that seemed to be from the heart. It let me know that not only the gift was appreciated but the thoughtfulness behind it. With the advent of the internet, our changing culture and the pace at which some families choose to run….well, are we losing this art? To recognize that another has taken time out of his or her life to focus on another is a precious thing. It is a gift, a thoughtful gesture, a kind act of service that says, you are important to me, you matter to the world, you have my blessing. It should be acknowledged by a carefully inscribed note. Don’t you agree?
Now, thank you for reading. It makes my day and lets me know you care, because you have taken the time to check in. I appreciate those of you brave enough to post or email a comment. It means so much. Thank you again. Now there is a thank you note especially for you! Short, but sincere.
