Filed under: Culture, Friendship, Honesty, Poverty, Stereotype, new chapters
I have been thinking about my recent trip to Africa last month and have yet to organize all of my thoughts and impressions of that adventure. I have had several people tell me they would like to see me blog about the trip so I am going to begin with one today.
The trip itself was challenging on just about every level I can think of. The team was a bit eclectic. You really get to know people when you live together for 12 days in airports, traffic, jungles and especially in poverty. Each person that went was vital to the mission and I am glad that we had the time together. I would like to say that we touched lives for good in the lives of the Nigerian women that we met and in the lives of orphans. I sincerely hope that we planted seeds that will take root in the years to come.
All of those things I hope and continue to pray over. Now let me list what I know for certain. I make the list because each is an important principle I need to remember. I will write more about each one in later posts.
- There is a great divide between wealth and poverty and understanding which group of people you are talking to greatly influences the Biblical message.
- We forget what life is really about until we go somewhere like Nigeria.
- Every day is about survival. A meal every day is enough to sustain physical life. The food doesn’t even have to be particularly nutritious to be enough. Food, clothing and shelter are life’s basic necessities. The rest is icing.
- The only relationship we have that matters is the one that we have with God. In the eyes of the people I met, that relationship is the only one that is worth preserving.
- Depending on your culture, certain Bible truths are going to connect in different ways. Giving to most Americans comes out of our abundance. Giving in a third world country is always sacrifice.
- Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats his whole life. I get that more clearly. Thank you Healing Hands International’s David and Janice Goolsby.
- Our mandate is to either “GO” or “SEND.” Thank you Ruth Merritt.
- Blending into a new culture shows you respect who they are as people. Thank you Bob Price, Mike and Carmen McFarland.
- God always takes care of the details.
- One day I am going to die. Most of what preoccupies and drains me now will recede into nothingness. The dead in Christ will rise.
I saw this on youtube and couldn’t help but reflect. Here are my thoughts. I welcome yours.
I heard someone say one time that “the heart has its reasons that the heart doesn’t even know.” Perplexing comment, but one that I have grown to understand very well. I have been going about life just trying to trudge through from one day to the next. I have been tired, disinterested in things I used to be and lacked the motivation to do much about it. Maybe I am just a little depressed, I thought. It has been quite a summer. I have had 3 weddings and a funeral after all!
This is how it happened. I was sitting at my desk minding my own business and a cinder block fell on my chest. Not literally, but definitely symbolically. My heart rates began to rise and a cold sweat covered me. After 15 or 20 minutes the sensation went away. Must have been something I ate. I did not give it another thought. A few days later I had an episode where my head was swimming or maybe just the room was swaying. No one else seemed to be aware that the earth had begun a slalom. I started to feel nauseous. I grabbed hold of a table and sat down. After staying perfectly still for about 15 minutes or so, the dizzy sway of the room came to a delicate stop. Whew, must be an inner ear thing, so I reasoned. No time to check on it. I was in the middle of preparing for a wedding. The stress was a good kind, but it left me no time to consider matters of health.
These little “spells” came off and on for several weeks. Finally, the cinder block made another appearance at what I decided was a more convenient time. You know, the time when it can no longer be avoided. I decided to check in with the doctor while it was happening. That decision gave everyone in the medical and financial communities cause for celebration. Some $6000 (so far) and 3 doctors later, I was diagnosed with a cardiac problem.
I’ve always known this day would come. I have family history of heart disease from both sides of my family. I just didn’t want it to be while I was still in my 40s. That is funny. I don’t imagine I would want it in my 80s or 90s either. It just is what it is.
The next 4 weeks I was banished to rest at home. The weeks of solitude on the couch and in the bed gave me a lot of time to ponder my heart conditions. I write that in the plural sense, because it has been a dual experience. As I thought about my physical heart, I considered my spiritual one too. After all, when it comes to a threat to the physical heart it engages the spiritual one. It gives rise from temporal to eternal matters.
One day my physical heart WILL stop and the spiritual one will be the only one that counts. It will matter how well that heart was taken care of during the physical years. The treasure stored up there in the finite needs to be the kind that will be of some benefit in the infinite.
I have been blessed the past few weeks to ask myself some important questions. We all ask these questions at one time or another as our lives press on. I don’t have the answers, but I will acknowledge that they are rolling around these days.
How much time do I have? The kids grew up so fast. At the time, it seemed like it would be unending and I loved those years. Now, they are married and have their own values and commitments. We are in a new chapter. Will it be as fleeting? Is this 2nd half of my life really a half? Maybe it is more like a 3rd or even a 10th of what I have imagined. Are the final days or years going to be spent in physical distress? What does God want of me now? Has it changed?
Have I been a good wife, a good mother, a good friend? I know that I can do better. Will I commit to do better and stick with it this time? Am I being too hard or too soft in what I expect from myself or is it about right?
Will I be the first of my close friends that will meet God face to face? It seems that I always get to milestones first. My parents died earlier than most of my friends’ parents; that is, those friends who are my age. I began the arthritis journey a few years ago. None of my friends have met Arthur or Itis in a serious way…yet. There are many of those “I got there first moments” over the years. What will/would I miss? Does that really matter?
What will be God’s judgment? I am thankful for his forgiveness and grace, but I know He doesn’t owe it to me. I deserve nothing. Judas, Annanias and Sapphira, Nadab and Abihu and many others were struck down decisively. I am but a wee one in the kingdom, the least.
Will any good that I do be of value in eternity? Was someone’s life better for having known me? Have I successfully walked with God and been used by Him to mold and shape my daughter’s lives in such a way that they love Him above all others?
Questions. There are many.
There are some comforting ponderings during these times too. I had a friend about 20 years ago who died during her 2nd struggle with cancer. She told me that during the 1st round she prayed to God to let her see her children grow up. Cancer returned just after her 4th and youngest daughter left the nest. She would not plead with God the 2nd time. She believed he had been too good to her for her to beg for more. She had been granted the desire of her heart and prepared to go home. I think of her frequently and thank God that she touched my life. When I am sick, I recall my friendship with Sandy and the many things she taught me about being a spiritual wife and a Godly mother. ”Jayne-jayne” (she would say) “give your heart to God and it will come back to you.” Indeed.
Filed under: Uncategorized
One of things I like best about my job is the fact that I do so much writing. I love playing with words, finding just the right expression, conveying meaning to thoughts and feelings. Another major part of job is studying people and families. I would say I analyze them but that sounds too counselor-ish. To say, I evaluate them is somewhat accurate, but not in a quantitative way like that term implies. It doesn’t matter what you call it, I enjoy both of those aspects of my job.
For years, I have considered taking my love for writing to the next level. I have considered writing a book. I actually began one about 15 years ago. As a “favor” my husband had a dear sweet friend type it up for me. In those days I wrote things out long hand. Who does that anymore, right? Anyway, once I saw it in print, I realized I was in no way ready. There were horrific technicall problems and stylistically it just wasn’t quite where it needed to be. I decided that I wasn’t really “gifted” to be a writer.
The small still voice inside of me kept nudging me along to give it a go, but I managed to beat it back time after time.
Eventually I changed jobs and worked with a guy who is a wonderful writer and who I have great respect for on many levels. He asked me to write an article from time to time for an in-house publication. He helped me develop my skills some, but more than that, he helped me build confidence. I am so grateful for that.
I began blogging to try to develop a routine where I write for fun as opposed to writing for an employer. According to my blog stats there are a growing number of regular readers. Thanks to you for that.
This year, I have begun putting together a Christian book for private or small group reflection. I know. There are millions of them out there. Mine, I hope will be a little different than many. I guess all writers hope to be a little different!
My aim is to address more practical/real issues that we are faced with in American culture and ask some thoughtful questions; such as, ”How can we improve personally?” “How do we cope?”
I don’t plan to have all of the answers, but I would like for the book to begin a dialogue. I wrote one chapter about an fictitious (as far as I know) situation where a man is asked to step down as a Sunday school teacher because he wore an orange tie every Sunday. The chapter assumes that the church made a mistake, but grapples with the questions of how to reconcile with the aggrieved man after the humilitating episode.
I don’t want to give too much away, but I would like some help from you. Tell me some topics that you grapple with. Share your stories with me. I’d like to know. If you want to be more private about it email me at: thewriterspen@gmail.com. And, hey, thanks!
Okay, there you have it. Cat is out of the bag.
Events of the last month have left me feeling like I am in a constant state of overdrive. It seemed a bit odd to get to the beach this year and have nothing hanging over me to get done as soon as I returned home. I haven’t had that in at least 10 years. It is an unfamiliar feeling that is requiring some adjustment on my part. I am taking stock as they say. I am trying to organize my thoughts and make a plan for the future. Isn’t it funny that I would think that I need to do that? I admit, I am a planner by nature. I like to set goals and then go for them. Before I do that, I almost always reflect on where I have been and what I have learned so that I can get every drop of goodness out of life.
Now things have settled down a bit, I am reflecting on the experience of planning and presenting a wedding. This has taught me quite a lot about myself as these kinds of things do. For one, I don’t multi-task as well at 49 as I did at 39. I have to work hard to stay focused on one thing and lists are not just helpful, but necessary if I might be expected to divert to another task. For example, I can’t see to the details of floral changes and listen with rapt attention to “the most beautiful processional song you will ever hear mom.” I can do flowers or I can do music, but I can’t jump back and forth. It wasn’t so long ago that I could do both and throw in 4 or 5 other categories to ponder.
Another thing that has changed for me is that when things don’t go well, I don’t sweat it anymore. Is that wisdom or dementia? I am not sure. So, the flowers showed up bearing baby’s breath of which I am allergic. So what, that we specifically said “No baby’s breath” in the flowers? Oh well, what does it matter in the grand scheme? They were gorgeous and outside I never got close enough to be bothered. Inside, well it is just one night. One of the groomsmen arrived without his vest and tie. The tux was there. The shoes were accounted for. Just the vest and tie were missing. You know those two things that show up in photos? No big deal. Make it work. What will it matter next week? Who is paying attention to him? (Problem resolved by wedding hour anyway!)
I also embraced the belief that it is okay to go all out for your child on one day of her life.
All of her life, we emphasize budgeting, money management, avoiding overspending and don’t be ostentatious. Giving is better than receiving. Teaching is a parental priority in childhood. The world is a cruel place. There is a lot of judgment out there. There is also struggle and angst. It is about this stage in life where a parent transitions from teacher to mentor. The chief difference is relaxing the proactive approach to a more reactive. In other words, we stop giving direction and begin the phase of waiting to give opinions only when requested. But, it is more than that. Why shouldn’t a parent allow their child the chance to be a queen for a day if they can? That isn’t to say this wedding was over the top, but if it had been who has the right to judge at all? I loved seeing each of my girls on their wedding day enjoying being the center of attention and feeling like the world celebrates with them. When do I get that opportunity if not on the wedding day?
The most poignant moment for me was when she danced Cinderella with her Dad. At that moment, she was Cinderella celebrating having found her prince. I would not trade anything I own for those 4 minutes watching the man I love with our baby at her wedding. No one else in the world knows exactly how he and I felt, because no one has the same experiences that the 3 of us have had together. It is one of those life moments where the world disappears and a celestial flourish of harp strings transcends the moment.
It is okay to roll your eyes at that comment, but I’ll bet in your heart of hearts you get the picture. I am pleased with how it all turned out. I am grateful and blessed to have shared it with my family and closest friends. I am honored to have been entrusted with daughters, which I could celebrate on their wedding days.
